Marton Furness M1s 0 - 1 Durham City M1s

Saturday’s excursion nearly got off to a smashing start when, spotting his team waiting for him, George nearly crashed it into an old couple in the MC car park. In fairness, they were pulling out into a main thoroughfare. Both rolled down their windows, but the old man apologised. It was the only apology we would get all day.

We all managed to survive the journey there, but Marton set the tempo early on with a brutal tackle on Will Orpin. Game on. The first-half was uneventful, with only the occasional strafe forward and good deal more of ubiquitously terrible tackles. 0-0 at half-time.

The second-half was tastier. Marton won a short-corner, but little did they know that George was about to unleash a tactical masterclass. Asking the umpire how long was left, he was told twenty-three minutes. His fellow defenders thought it was odd to ask, too, but little did we know either. Ten minutes of successive short-corners were given against us, of varying degrees of viability – including a Marton penalty shout that would not be given in a million years – thanks to both George and Timmy. In the final minutes, the brutality reached new heights. Iain’s grip was stained with blood, James Plyming and Toby were getting battered by blokes twice their size and at least thrice their age, and Rob got flattened a few times. Even Blair was a casualty – although he limped off due to a card, his hammy had gone (along with his shoe after an agricultural tackle). Matt Kettley also received a card for something. It was somewhat trivial. Somehow, Marton kept all their men on the pitch. Yet losing men opened up the game. In the dying minutes, Matt crossed the ball to the back-post from the left. James Plyming managed to poke it in for his first goal of the year. 0-1. What a time to score. Everybody came back and we ground out the game. What a hard-won three points – not bad considering we’ve barely played since December.

Mom: James Plyming (clutch goal)

DoD: George Sutton (Richard Hammond-esque driving)

#VoodooParadox #AnyDangerOfAShort-CornerGoal? #NoVegetariansInMiddlesborough