Durham City M1s 3 - 0 Doncaster M2s

There’s a very famous scene in Breaking Bad in which Walter White turns to his wife and growls ‘I am not in danger. I am the danger.’ An apt quote, then, for us breaking our bad streak and getting our first win of the season against Donny 2s. It was a game many of us were well up for: it was winnable and we have a history with them. It was only a matter of proving ourselves.

Immediately, we dominated. Donny played a half-court press, which allowed the back four time on the ball – a rarity thus far in this league. Stringing passes together, we had several flurries forward. After a few weeks of dodgy touches, our attackers were back on form and causing havoc in the Donny ‘D.’ Yet it was a defender who scored first. From a short-corner, Duncan somehow squeezed the ball past the crowded goal-line. 1-0. Till then, it seemed as if it was going to be another fine but fruitless performance. It was just the kick we needed. Blair put us further ahead by smashing a short-corner past a helpless keeper. 2-0. An hour with Coach Jack has turned us into a brutally efficient short-corner machine. Donny offered nothing in attack – it must have been the absence of Seth Price.

The third half saw two worldies. Sadly, only one was allowed. To cover the unallowed one first, Blair received an aerial on the left of the Donny ‘D’ and unleashed a brutal reverse stick shot. The brilliant James Plyming threw his stick at it and poked it in. What a goal! Moaning ensued. The umpires congregated and debated. Backstick. The score remained 2-0. Donny persisted with their half-court press, so we persisted with getting comfortable with passing it around the back at speed. The second worldie saw Matt Kettley roof a reverse stick – it was still rising when it went in – from a tough angle. 3-0. A massive game from everyone and a huge step forward for the team. An away game to, err, Maiden Castle next week to play the Uni 4s. Hopefully we can get a good team to travel. I’ve heard the teas are nice, too.

MoM: unsure, but probably James Plyming

DoD: believe it was a three-way tie between Anth Hulse (continued his unusual approach to post-game showering); Iain Mason (indoctrinating his kids by getting them to tell him he was the best – maybe that’s why he’s had so many: a quest for positive validation); and Duncan Robertson (REDACTED)

#AcrobaticCaptain #MisdirectedMoralOutrage #JustSoMuchDanger